Ok here is a short video I have just finished. It needed to be produced to a specific brief, I had to feature the two props given to me (which you will see in the film) and it had to have some sort of Christian message.
It is not however a piece of religious propaganda and it's not 'in your face', the message is a good life lesson if you're religious or not.

Technically, I know there are some issues with the sun light differing on shots, I did the best I could with the editing.

Well let me know what you think.

Names on Vimeo - First version
EDIT:
Second version with fewer cuts at beginning :

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http://uk.youtube.com/mattjeh

Hi Clay9

OK, it feels good all except the first 60 seconds, I feel there is too much jumping around in the edit from camera to camera, it is very distracting, especially when you are trying to get a good look at whos there.

The trick about editing is not to reveal the cameras, this jumping around shouts camera to me.
You don't have to have the person talking always on screen, be brave have some off screen lines.

The line girlfriend cheating on her maybe should have been a ECU, its a important line, we need to see a full face delivery.

I will say this line again, Faces are more interesting than Places (this includes bus stops) I will have to have this attached to my rocket at the bottom.

Maybe the introduction of the second person could have been pulled off as a mysterious arrival, a shadow passing by, His hello said off screen via a close up of Matt and his reply keeping the reveal mysterious as well, maybe I'm wrong, but there are not too many options when all you have is two guys, a bus stop and God.

It just the beginning, it settles down and is a well delivered video, just go in and ease up the editing at the start.

I did watch this video 4 times over, I hope you understand my thoughts on your video.

The Mad Bomber.

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Faces are more interesting than places !
http://www.youtube.com/user/leokimvideo

Thanks for the feedback, I've definitely taken some of that on board. I've been trying to look at it again with a more critical eye and I agree about having too many cuts towards the beginning.
I've held on the first shot for longer and also the first few lines of conversation is without cuts. I didn't have the footage suitable for pulling off some of your other suggestions though like the mysterious entry.

We were losing the light fast, so some of the dialogue I couldn't put together due to extreme light differences, also some of the suitable video had audio spoilt by cars etc. The ECU of the girl trouble sentence wasn't delivered as well as the one already used, so have decided to keep that. Also I had a look for a spot to place some close up response shots when the other actor is talking, but really couldn't find a place that it fit.

I'll get the new version up soon so you can see the changes I've made. Cheers.

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http://uk.youtube.com/mattjeh

New revision with fewer cuts at the beginning : Also added to first post.

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http://uk.youtube.com/mattjeh

This is one of the best shorts I've seen in a long while. Excellent story with a good surprise at the end.

Difficult to suggest improvements than maybe having a few less cuts. This should be in the video of the month!

Hi Clay, wow that was quick.

I will ask you how do you feel about the new edits, do you believe its a improvement over the first version, and I ask others what they think.

Its all about less is more.

Very hard for you as your so close to the project, and thats why having it viewed by others is so important.

It will be very close for video of the month, but your up against tentboy, which is a killer video, mind you your video has a much deeper message.

Both tentboy and this video are powerful works, what a joy over the usual glut of youtube trash I seem to find late at night....opps I am looking at my own channel again..

The Mad Bomber.

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Faces are more interesting than places !
http://www.youtube.com/user/leokimvideo

Definitely I see the improvement! It was quite an easy decision to make really, it can sometimes be hard to lose a shot that you like. But if it's detrimental in the end to the film as a whole then it's not worth keeping.

Having such good comments and having it suggested as video of the month gives me a warm fuzzy feeling inside. I too am sick of the 'boy gets hit on the head with a bat' youtube drivvel that is presented here. So it does mean a lot my stuff is not considered within that same bracket.

What I'm proud of is that the message at the end of the day is a good and relevant one. If you're a Christian or not. It's about self empowerment.

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http://uk.youtube.com/mattjeh

To be frank, it was lost on me.

When he pulled out the "Hannah" card, the first H was illegible and it had me wondering if it was some "special" word (Yannah?) or something - it wasn't made any clearer when he said the name as the pronunciation/sound wasn't perfect. It's obvious once you know but on first viewing it wasn't.

Then the line "Look there's Anna now, go tell her something"
I'm still totally lost.
Was it Anna? (I've listened and looked over and over and it really sounds like Anna) who is Anna? Is she known to Matt? Or is it Hannah and is she known to Matt?
And what is he supposed to tell her? What does that line mean?

(Yes I get the obvious this is your name, this is you, you are you not what others label you message which is spelled out in the film, but what's this Anna business all about)

And I don't understand what surprise at the end MrFluffy is talking about.

Aside from me totally failing to grasp the script the film was very nicely made and well acted!

Please explain to a thickie

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Tim

At first I though it was leading to a repeat thing, where Matt realised he shouldn't be so glum, and that he'd repeat the 'good day for it' bit to Hannah, she would say something like what Matt said in response to the same question in the first place, he'd pull out some other guys name..... and so on, I was kind of expecting it to be about passing a good message on.

Anyway, that didn't happen, but it made me think it, which is a win right? It making me think?

As mentioned the lighting and sound problems were an issue, the continuity was lost, I wonder if a sound track of passing cars could have been blended into the background to aid masking the problem, but maybe that would have made it worse, dunno. It's just with both light and sound being curtailed on those few head shots of the Welsh chap the continuity problem was worsened I guess.

It must have something, I watched it a couple of times, I didn't make it to the end of Tent Boy, so another win for me in comparison.

Got to admit that taking the given brief about the objects into account it was engaging for me, but knowing the brief beforehand added something to it.

I didnt have any problems understanding his accent, so I didnt need to see what was on the sign. My kids and wife didnt have a problem either (and no, were not Welsh .

None of us realised it was God until he disappeared. Which was a nice touch and made the point while being subtle.