Thread: Timothy's Piano (Student Drama)

Remember us when you are famous.

I have nothing to add really. That rarely happens.

Great acting by all but teacher too - WOW.

RESPECT.

Have you seen a film called 'the beat that skipped my heart'? If not i think you may love it.

correction 'the beat that my heart skipped '

Thanks a lot! That's really kind, I really appreciate your comment vertovian All of the feedback has really encouraged me to post up my next project (currently a Documentary).

Oh do do - doco is my thang.

That was a really worthy effort. I really liked the quality of the music and how it integrated into the plot. The other outstanding points for me were:

1.The credits although I think it might have been a nice idea to have them music related, such as notes, music sheets etc.
2.The montage sequence really worked for me with the muted dialogue from the mother
3.The general editing was very good, particularly the fast cuts on certain actions like the opening of the present and the cross dissolves.

The areas I didn’t care for so much were:

1.The edit to black after opening the present was very distracting for some reason and didn’t seem to fit. I found it quite jarring.
2.Quite a few of the compositions were poor and would have benefited from better application of the rule of thirds
3.The lighting was either flat or too harsh in some instances, creating deep shadows.
4.Poor sound quality in places, most notably in the car where it was difficult to hear what was being said.

I wouldn’t mention some of these points but as you must have access to quality equipment and people to use them, there’s no real excuse.

Having stated all the above, I did really like it. However, this is tempered by confused plotting. I didn’t understand the ending at all and the proliferation of young toys together with crossing out dates on the calendar seemed inconsistent with the age of the boy.

I really don't have a clue as to why I liked this short film, however it got my vote. Apologies for the lack of feedback, but there was just something about it.

With the story centred around the piano getting the playing sorted was pretty essential. There's usually a get-around somebody else's hands in close up, or looking ups shots so we can't see the hands, that kind of thing - the piano is one of the hardest instruments to mimic real playing on - too many fingers in use, and the usual give-away is the rhythm, not the actual notes being played. The odd wrong note won't be spotted anywhere near as easily as notes being played that don't make a sound, or notes heard that are not being pressed.

ok, well this is just a stream of comments from someone who hasn't been doing this for very long. i'm still an 11th grader in HS. but i hope you find it useful. i took notes as i watched, and this is what i came up with.


first cut of the boy laying in bed is a little long

remember to white balance before every shot

try to add in a doppler effect where the alarm clock sort of fades out as he runs downstairs, or show a scene of him hitting the alarm clock to turn it off. right now, it just sort of turns off. there's no real closure there.

the introduction of the present has no lead in. it's introduced far too rapidly. maybe try an over the shoulder shot of him seeing the present on the floor, so that we know why his eyes are closed without just having a shot of it and saying "oh, theres a present there."

you have a lot of shots of him opening it, but only one shot of the conversation right before. add in a couple of shots to give it a little more richness. like, when the mom's talking, maybe cut to an OTS of the mom from behind the boy. same with when he's rubbing the present. maybe cut to a couple different shots, even one from the mom's perspective.

when he opens the present, he needs to feel some excitement. the focus seems to be on the piano, but it should be on the boy, and his emotions. he can even open it slowly, then you see a smile on his face, then maybe he jumps up to hug his mom.

when he's playing the piano, try to have more shots. this seems to be consistently a problem. you don't have enough angles. and it's fine if you shoot some extra, but not having enough is a big deal. i'll shut up about this now, and let you find more places that need more meat, so to speak.

try to set the scene some when his mom walks into the room. make it to where we can see both him and his mom, so we don't have to paint that picture ourself.

an equipment idea, your tripod work seems a bit shaky. get some duct tape and tape a longer handle on it for better control, or if you have the money, invest in a nice manfrotto fluid pan head with the perfect blend of resistance and fluidity. it'll make those beautiful panning shots really fluid.

2:51, there's a cut from one shot to the exact same shot. the lighting changed drastically though.

3:12, cut it right when the door slams for a cool effect.

whatever school he's at needs some establishing shots. it left me a bit confused, and maybe it's because i'm from the states and we don't see these kind of schools regularly, but it still needs establishment.

5x, when he's playing piano in the classroom, the keys don't go down in time with the music. yes, i noticed.

5:5x, handicap spot?

and around the same point, the audio transitions from motor noise to no motor noise to some motor noise sporadically.

also, the sound of the motor covers up the voices.

accident scene, try getting the sound effect to reverb some instead of just cut off crisply. and it's mostly the motor bass. the tire squeals need to stay, but the motor needs to continue throughout them.

what happened two months later, that she shows up at the door? did she just get out of the hospital? because she seems to be walking just fine. she doesn't look injured.

credits are a bit hard to read. maybe send them by a bit slower.

some things i loved:
the titles/credits (despite being a bit hard to read)
the music
the plot, though it has some comprehension issues

hope you find some help in my critique. if you need anymore info, let me know. i'll be glad to help. though i don't know how to use apple software. i'm an adobe guy.

A dam fine review for only your second post here matey Your welcome indeed Twilliams.

Originally Posted by Shrimpfarmer

A dam fine review for only your second post here matey Your welcome indeed Twilliams.

Indeed. Though a bit bossy rather than suggestive.

Many of the comments - whilst entirely valid and well thought out - are on subjective matters. Please try to bear that in mind or people will get defensive (which results in discussion drying up).

Edit: On second reading, perhaps it isn't as "bossy" as I first thought.

(You're wrong about the doppler effect though. The camera doesn't move and neither does the alarm clock so a doppler effect would be entirely wrong )