to be honest it was quite borring, it started to show promise when the music started, but then let down by the fact that there where no close up shots of anything, just one wide view for everything, not enough cuts in it either, which lead to it becoming borring. we don't need to see every second of some bloke we don't know walking slowly around a room and sitting down from the same angle.
The music was also a bit over the top, a bit too 'action', not really scary, just some atmosphere music/ambience would have been better.
The phone conversation and intro voice over would have been better done in post too (as you've obviously got editting software) rather than the chap with the camera speaking, that just sounds cheap.
Keep the footage you have, just record some close up shot to fit in to what you've done already (EG Looking out of window, sitting down, speaking on phone etc). That'll make it look much better and keep peoples attention more. | 
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