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Thread: The Concrete River- Short Film

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    Default The Concrete River- Short Film

    https://vimeo.com/127779039

    "A mysterious hacker finds a serial killer who has been targeting women, instead of turning over the evidence he takes matters into his own hands."

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    Ok before I watch it - just checking - is there dialogue?

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    Quote Originally Posted by zamiotana View Post
    Ok before I watch it - just checking - is there dialogue?
    Ha yeah there's a lot of dialogue in the second half

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    I thought it was well-filmed

    Nice mix of shots

    I'm not sure why the guy holding the gun didn't just open fire ASAP but this would have made the film a lot shorter

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    Quote Originally Posted by zamiotana View Post
    ]
    I'm not sure why the guy holding the gun didn't just open fire ASAP but this would have made the film a lot shorter
    That statement can be applied to just about every thriller type film ever made.
    Tim

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    Zam,

    If you could make out what was being said, could you please send me a transcript then I might be able to understand a bit more of this..
    Having failed with my adequate but hardly hi-fi PC speakers I tried again with decent headphones.

    Being a bear of ;little brain, I was confused. No doubt most of this is down to me, but for what it's worth..


    Cause of confusion 1: Audio.

    The ambient music track is far too loud, but that's not all. The voice is whispered which although dramatic just muffles it further. The actor swallow his words.

    For example 0:53 (A) girl... was the seventh this year. Finding women in the (B) of the concrete river has become a common pastime.
    I suspect that the words at A and B are significant.

    However, you clearly have a great future as just about every film/tv thriller nowadays hides the dialogue under layers of music and ambient.

    Cause of Confusion 2: Unexplained term
    Is the "concrete river" a common term? I've never heard of it and the film never explains it. I simply have to assume that some women have been murdered in some way connected with some concrete river. (and actualy without having read the tag line, even that is ambiguous).

    Cause of Confusion3: Who's that Girl?
    Then, who is the girl? I thought she was the protagnists former girlfriend (presumably murdered). Why?

    The line "That all changed when I met you" cuts (after a brief title) to a sequence of the girl. It is pretty much cinematic convention that a cut like that is indicating who the "you" is.
    But now I think he was still talking to the killer when he says "...I met you"

    Cause of Confusion 4: Protagonist and Antagonist too similar.
    Also confusing is that it wasn't at all clear that the guy in the first shots was different from the guy who starts doing the voiceover. Both dark haired, bearded, wearing glasses and shot in darkness/semi darkness. I assumed it was the same guy at different times (the different times signified by him having grwn his hair)

    Cause of Confusion 5: This time it's a good one.
    I wasn't sure at first whether the protagonist was searching for people to murder on the dark web - you left it untill a few seconds into the sequence before it became clear he was searching for the killer rather than his next victim. Whether intentional or not, this worked for me.

    Cause of Confusion 6:
    The shot at around 2:45 - following the previous shot of the girl, we assume this is a shot of someone following her. But we cannot make out which of the two dark haired guys with beard and classes tghis is.The we see the protagonist enter a building - at first I thought this was his home and he was looking around having expected a break in.I'm still no clearer as to who the shot was at 2:45 or the purpose of it.

    Then we get the conversation and I hope that at last something of what's gone on will be revealed. "Say what you did" says the protagonist. Great, I think, I'm going to find out. But he never confesses anything so I'm as in the dark after this little conversation as I was before. Maybe he does say it but again the words are garbled so no use to me.On plying back several times I can just about work out he says he doesn't know what he did because there were so many. o idea what he says at 6:38 before .. she's blonde. Maybe that would help.

    Then: He calls the police but runs off. What does that achieve or what does he hope to achieve? If he wanted to scare the guy, pointing a gin at him and burbling unintelligibly but passionately would do the trick well enough, calling the police to a non-existant shooting wouldn't add to it.

    Why does he sprint away?

    Then we have the concluding distorted voice which I cannot make out and have no idea where it is meant to come from (is it a radio/TV report?) Totally confusing. Presumably this either explains the film or carries some profound message. I have no idea. I need to be able to hear it!

    Anyway, apart from that,. as Zam said, the film looked pretty good with a great variety of shots. The soundscape was just what was required adding tension and drama, but far too loud under dialogue.
    Acting was OK. The showdown scene went on far too long without any development. I understand you are trying to show their emotions, but the conversation went around in circles without progressing anything (In contrast, Tarrentino manages to have conversations go around in circles, but the progresses our understanding of the characters).
    I also disliked the constant rocking back and forth in this scene. It probably looks OK in a small window when editing, but I was watching on a computer screen only 20" from my nose, the screen taking up a similar amount of my vision as watching in a cinema and it made me positively seasick.

    Sorry. I really think this has a lot going for it, but it seemed to me somewhere between the shoot and the final edit the story got lost - quite possibly because the editor and director are so familiar with it, every line is crystal clear to them as is every nuance of the plot.
    Last edited by TimStannard; 05-30-2016 at 11:04 PM.
    Tim

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