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Thread: The Mahoney Way

  1. Default The Mahoney Way

    My final project for my cinematography 1 class. Shot on a Lumix G7. I know it has lots of problems, particularly the dialog portion. It was really rushed, and due the next night, not my best work for sure. But, as always, open to any and all critiques. Thanks..

  2. #2


    The news speaker was a bit too emotional for my taste.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Feb 2006
    Surrey, UK
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    This is a bit more picky than I might otherwise be, simply because this is submitted as part of a course rather than "just" a hobby.
    The film looked like it had been written and made by two different people.

    Part 1 was quite good. The shots of the girl & father help establish some sort of empathy with the characters and also imply "normality". You establish that the girl is missing quite well - rather than being force fed the information we see just bits of the message on the screen and we hear the news report. XXLRay is right that the newscaster is a bit too emotional (well spotted Ray - I felt something was wrong, but couldn't put a finger on it). Another issue with this part of the story is that when a missing person is reported on the news they are named. You also misssed a trick to refer to her parent(s) in the report. Not only would these have added realism, but would have helped create more empathy with the characters and situation. Then you repeated the news report. This was unnecesary and felt like padding. The overlay shots of the newspaper articles were good, but this could have been done on the first run-through. If you wanted to establish that the "investigator" was studying, you only need repat the very beginning of the broadcast.

    Part 2 was comparatively poor. Your exposition was told entirely in dialogue and the dialogue seemed to drag on. You've attempted to create some conflict between the characters but as it's all A says X then B says Y it doesn't really gram the viewer's attention. The dialogue scene was shot and cut in the least interesting way. There were no interesting and most importantly no close-ups. Drama is not made of mid-shots. All the lines sounded like they'd been spoken by the same person (ie there was no difference between the language used or delivery). The cutting was based entirely on who was speaking (where are the shots of people listening and reacting?).

    Part 3 was better again (even if the ghost effect was a bit weak)
    The car scene was quite well done although I didn't understand why we got the impression you were passing under streetlights when the car had halted. Maybe this was meant to be cars passing in the opposite direction but we neither heard or saw any evidence of this.

    Audio throughout was acceptable - a bit "roomy" in scene two, but at least it was always clear. Good choice of atmospheric music. I liked the slow zoom as the psychic was talking but unfortunately what he was saying failed to hold my attention.

    Scene 1 8/10, Scene 2 5/10, Scene 3 7/10

  4. #4


    Quote Originally Posted by XXLRay View Post
    The news speaker was a bit too emotional for my taste.
    in depth review right there
    'No longer are the pleasures of Home Movie Making limited to those with ample funds. Now the man and woman of moderate means can join the sport'..... Kodak catalogue 1933

  5. #5


    this was all over the place for me . from very good to quite poor ! some of the footage was excellent some not so. the opening firework scene went on far too long if this was a 30 minute film, you may have gotten away with it ...but i felt all the way through, the editing could have been snappier. the slow dolly scene with the guy looking at laptop/tv was excellent (worthy of any TV production) and set the scene very well. ... same issue with audio ... check the audio and footage at 4.49 ... chalk and cheese to the rest in this scene ! was it shot with a different camera /mic ?

    sorry to be harsh as you have obviously put a lot into this but based on what we see in other parts of this production, you obviously have the necessary skills required to produce a great piece.

    at the be continued .... How long overall is the film ?
    Last edited by enc; 12-30-2015 at 11:55 AM.
    'No longer are the pleasures of Home Movie Making limited to those with ample funds. Now the man and woman of moderate means can join the sport'..... Kodak catalogue 1933

  6. #6


    I'm no film maker just a novice and enjoy-er of film. I really liked the intro, maybe a bit too long but beautifully & skillfully done. I also liked the news montage but was surprised to hear the report twice. I didn't like the characters at all, they are a ghostbuster group, kinda sorta? Are there lenses in those big frames? The lines a pretty forced and when they start cursing it seems really out of place and unnecessary. I didn't mind the car scene or the ghost but with as good as your bookends are that middle scene needs to be much better. Lot's of really good stuff going on though and I'm anxious to see what comes next.
    Rock On!

  7. Default

    I want to thank you all for the wonderful feedback, its always informative. I plan to continue and complete this story, Its the first time talking this sort of thing. The narrative scene here was shot very rushed and unorganized. I will reshoot this scene with a better plan, and hopefully better acting. Even the car scene was a last minute idea. I originally wanted to film inside the car with green screens outside the windows, but we didn't have time to pull it off. Anyways, thanks again...


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