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Thread: New sci-fi Short Film

  1. #1
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    Default New sci-fi Short Film

    Hey Everyone,

    Here's my new Short film, it's only a little 3 minute film, but i'd really appreciate some feedback and honest opinions!

    It was written in a few days and shot in half a day.

    The Transient - Short Film - YouTube

    Thanks,
    Edward

  2. #2

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    I could hardly hear the dialogue at the start. What you did was done quite well BUT it felt incomplete. Is this just the beginning of some thing or was that supposed to be the complete film ?

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    Hmmm that's odd that you couldn't hear the dialogue. yeah, the incompleteness of it was intentional, it is a stand alone film and it does have 3 acts within it, but it's just not as obvious as a conventional 3 act structure because the turning points are a little more subtle and character driven rather than plot driven. I basically wanted to try something new that i'd not done before haha.

    i know that it seems like an opening for something but i like the images it leaves in the viewer's mind of what happens next, if that makes any sense, i don't think i particularly need to follow it up, but who knows it may be an option in the future haha.

    Granted it's probably not as strong as it could be, but based on it being a fast project written and shot in less than a week, i think it's Okay.

    Thanks for the feedback!
    I appreciate it.

    Edward

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    Cool! Like the overall atmosphere, and Luigi the star is very expressive, bravo! You should raise the volume of the opening dialogue, otherwise the whole production will feel cheaper. Waiting for the next two parts! Well done, I like that kind of science fiction.
    Last edited by galloalessandro; 11-29-2012 at 08:29 PM. Reason: mistype

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    To be honest I don't have a clue what's going on.

    I presume the talent is in one of those situstions where he has to escape something and he's hoping to be able to rescue another but time doesn't allow it and he has to make a decision whether to escape alone or wait. He escapes alone to a different time (I presume later as the - only? - clue is the semi-demolished high-rise buildings in the background). We see some missed calls from his mother, but does that make any difference - would she have made it to him. He regrets.

    Perhaps there was more to it - if so what did I miss? And if I did miss something is that because I'm too stupid to pick up on obvious clues or is it because you're too close to the project and what you think is obvious remains hidden from an audience who don't know the backstory?

    I don't like to be fed everything on a plate, but this just seemed too cryptic to me.

    I thought it was well acted, shot & edited, with a good soundtrack, but despite all this it didn't engage me in the slightest. I felt no empathy for the character & I didn't really care about him because it was all too vague. Sorry.
    Tim

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    Quote Originally Posted by galloalessandro View Post
    Cool! Like the overall atmosphere, and Luigi the star is very expressive, bravo! You should raise the volume of the opening dialogue, otherwise the whole production will feel cheaper. Waiting for the next two parts! Well done, I like that kind of science fiction.
    Thanks for the feedback!

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    Quote Originally Posted by TimStannard View Post
    To be honest I don't have a clue what's going on.

    I presume the talent is in one of those situstions where he has to escape something and he's hoping to be able to rescue another but time doesn't allow it and he has to make a decision whether to escape alone or wait. He escapes alone to a different time (I presume later as the - only? - clue is the semi-demolished high-rise buildings in the background). We see some missed calls from his mother, but does that make any difference - would she have made it to him. He regrets.

    Perhaps there was more to it - if so what did I miss? And if I did miss something is that because I'm too stupid to pick up on obvious clues or is it because you're too close to the project and what you think is obvious remains hidden from an audience who don't know the backstory?

    I don't like to be fed everything on a plate, but this just seemed too cryptic to me.

    I thought it was well acted, shot & edited, with a good soundtrack, but despite all this it didn't engage me in the slightest. I felt no empathy for the character & I didn't really care about him because it was all too vague. Sorry.
    Thanks for the comment!

    Hmmmm to be honest, I'm not too sure what you're missing, because i don't know the specifics of what you picked up haha.

    You got the basic plot. But i guess you didn't relate to the conflict of the character.

    i feel like it's almost impossible to REALLY feel empathy for a character in 2.30 minutes because character development is virtually impossible, especially with the constraints of using one location and trying not to use much dialogue.

    But anyway i really appreciate the feedback!

    I'm reasonably happy with the reception of the film, it's mixed, some people just don't get it which is fine, and others do get it, so at least it's working on some people! haha.

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    Quote Originally Posted by TheLiberatorFilm View Post
    Hmmmm to be honest, I'm not too sure what you're missing, because i don't know the specifics of what you picked up haha.
    Well, I picked up what I described - nothing more.
    Quote Originally Posted by TheLiberatorFilm View Post
    You got the basic plot. But i guess you didn't relate to the conflict of the character.
    That's right. I saw the conflict but I struggled to relate to it because I didn't know his relationship with his mother, what the circumstances were and how they'd come to be separated.

    Thinking about this a bit more, I wonder whether this is why other comments suggest this feels like part of a film. It almost feels like a scene which begins a film - where we do not know the characters, circumstances or as yet have any empathy for the characters, but creates intrigue after which we are taken back in time for the exposition and character development leading up to this scene again which this time means so much more to us and forms part of or leads directly into the third act.
    Tim

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    Quote Originally Posted by TimStannard View Post
    Well, I picked up what I described - nothing more.

    That's right. I saw the conflict but I struggled to relate to it because I didn't know his relationship with his mother, what the circumstances were and how they'd come to be separated.

    Thinking about this a bit more, I wonder whether this is why other comments suggest this feels like part of a film. It almost feels like a scene which begins a film - where we do not know the characters, circumstances or as yet have any empathy for the characters, but creates intrigue after which we are taken back in time for the exposition and character development leading up to this scene again which this time means so much more to us and forms part of or leads directly into the third act.
    Yeah, i think you're right.

    Really what this film is, is an experiment, i basically want to test story ideas and ways i can play with ambiguity and open endings, i want to know how viewers will react to such things. I'm not totally against making more of this film, perhaps in the form of a web-series or something, i just hadn't really thought of it, and most people are saying they'd love to see what happens next weather they loved it or didn't get either way they want to know more hahaha.

    the relationship with his mother was another experiment on my part, i wanted to see if people would relate to the mother under an assumption of most mothers being loving and caring.

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    I think that's what I'm saying. It worked well as a scene, but there wasn't quite enough for it to be complete in itself.
    I thought the mother idea was a good one as te son/mother relationship - especially with a young man - is rarely explored or even seen in movies. Thumbs up for that!
    Tim

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