Feedback Required: Short, "Regret For Neglect"

[rjp18]

-Done in All Close-up Shots
- Sound Design without any dialougue- Tried to make the shots drive the emotions other than words for this one
-First time working with these extras, wondering how effective my direction was
-Overall, does this video make you feel something? Do you feel bad for the kid, dislike the mother, etc? Tell me your thoughts!
-also, keep in mind i'm only 19 years old

[Midnight Blue]

I'm not sure this hit the mark for me. I know what this is like as a kid I had an alcoholic parent. I think you got the required performance out of the talent but the story line was a bit weak and unreal. This could have been much more powerful with a bit more narrative. I'm not sure of the brief you had but it seemed a bit short to communicate all that was needed. Other than that, the Foley wasn't right for a beach but technically the rest seemed ok.

[TimStannard]

Agree with Midnight - the foley didn't sound "right". Also agree that it wasn't at all realistic. I was expecting the mother to become angry, perhaps even beating the boy when he deprived her of her bottle. On the other hand she might have been putting on that brave face that dependents do - pretending (yet again) that she'll give up the booze (yet again) which would have left you with an opportunity to show her deceit by somehow disclosing another bottle that she'd secreted somewhere. Now that would have been more realistic and given the piece a little twist.

In answer to your questions, yes I felt bad for the kid, but I think I should have been prompted to feel sorrow at the futility of his trying to get his mother to give up. I just felt the about face of the mother was totally unreal. Yes, a realisation of hitting "rock bottom" brought on by seeing a loved one trying to cope can be what you need to start a long path to rehab, bit it doesn't happen in the blink of an eye as it appered to do in this film.

I did think the film had some good shots and was generally well edited together to convey the (flawed) story. I qute liked the symbolism of teh sandcastle - both as a symbol for (re)building a relationship and the fragility of the relationship. Whether this was intentional or not, it worked for me!

[rjp18]

Completely agree with both of you. it seems like a lot of the short film type work i do always tends to wrap-up rather quickly. Having her react by hitting him...how i wish i could go back and add that in, such a great idea, as well as the plot twist of showing how she would continue to drink but hide it.

Tim, yes the sand castle metaphor was intentional! I wanted to use it as a tool to show the relationship. however, i did want him to keep adding to the sand castle and keep trying to get her to look at it, but unfortunately neither of them were available for re-shoots before my due dates.

Overall, i've realized that
A.) I put too much emphasis on shots and edits than the actual story at hand
B.) My endings generally all happen too quickly
C.) I need to get my ass in gear with due dates, that always screws me and am forced to compromise for it

Appreciate the feedback guys, I'm hungry for perfection and comments like yours help me out a great deal.

also, here's my blog with some more of my work, feel free to browse through and critique any other work! Aside to film, I also am a recording engineer, mixing/mastering engineer, and hip-hop producer, i just need to step it up with each. It's extremely important to me that i have each one mastered by the time i finish school in three years.

Videos | Ryan James Pinkall

[TimStannard]

It sounds like you've got a great attitude. You're making an effort to take on board criticism without beating yourself up over it as well. In the real world, you won't have to think of all these things: there will be a team of you. However, for now, its wise to try to develop at least an understanding of the various skills required as this will make you a better cameraman, editor, soundie, director, screenwriter, producer or whatever you end up being.

Relish the "due dates". As an amateur it never matters when (or evven if) I finish a project. The net result is I keep tinkering with ideas and shots and making excuses that I haven't got access o this or that bit of kit. The net result is I rarely make anything and cosequently I don't get nearly as much practice as I should. A due date forces you to make progress.

The only downside of time critical work is that you will often be forced to work with whatever weak idea you have rather than wait for that ceative seed to plant itself. However, this is no bad thing as this is what happens in the real world.

Good luck.