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Thread: Short Film Trailer : My Dream .. My Nightmare

  1. #1

    Post Short Film Trailer : My Dream .. My Nightmare

    I'm a Moroccan High School teacher of English,and this is the trailer of the short educational film I made in 2011.Filmed with a Sony HDR-155E that was operated on homemade camera jib,dolly and steadicam,this short film was made with very limited personal means,but with a lot of passion.


    Last edited by musefarm; 02-09-2012 at 12:20 PM.

  2. #2

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    Looks like a chick flick, I think I'll give it a miss.

  3. #3

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    To me , the camera work and the picture looks very professional, I don't get the text messages between the takes and the end of the trailer. Perhaps , you should use a voice over instead of text and get rid of the last few seconds ( when the girl is running - looks very cheap )

  4. #4

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    Quote Originally Posted by Midnight Blue View Post
    Looks like a chick flick, I think I'll give it a miss.

    Well thanks for being the first to comment on this.I'm here because I'm open to all types of criticism.I would appeciate it if you develop your point of view.












  5. #5

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    Quote Originally Posted by threedoors View Post
    To me , the camera work and the picture looks very professional, I don't get the text messages between the takes and the end of the trailer. Perhaps , you should use a voice over instead of text and get rid of the last few seconds ( when the girl is running - looks very cheap )


    I considered using a voice over,but I'm working with very limited means,and I'm afraid the quality of the voice recording is not guaranteed.





  6. #6

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    I will develop my view. I'm glad you have come back as a lot of people seem to post a video just to get the view count up on YouTube and never come back after I've spent time critiquing there video. Or may be I scare them off.

    I liked the opening shot but unfortunately it seemed to go down hill from there. The zoom should only be used for a good purpose otherwise it just shouts out armature. The way you should have communicated "this is the story of a girl who lives in this town by the sea" is, long shot to establish the scene. Then shots of parts of the town and people relevant to the story of the film. A kind of introduction of people and places like you did with the nice tracking shots after the zoom. When you move in to the girl and she is saying "I can't remember when it all started" she says started twice, Also the music is a bit loud in that section you put in a "cinematic drum beat" which was out of time with both the music and the images so comes across like it was a mistake, You dipped the music track at that point which made it seem even more out of place. If you are going to use a big drum beat then put it on a dramatic cut.

    You did the same again with another sound around 1:05 which really distracts. Do you only have one audio track in your editing program ?

    I liked the fade from the seagull to the girl on the beach. BUT then you make another bad sound edit as you cut the nightmare. It seems you can use a camera but don’t have a feel for sound editing. I would work on this as sound is so important in a movie.

    As a trailer it didn’t communicate what the dream is, so I just get confused as to how a dream can also be a nightmare. It didn't give me any feeling that I would want to watch the movie, just showing some nice tracking shots is not enough to keep me engaged.


  7. #7

    Red face Great Passion

    Hi thanks for posting your video.

    Your passion shines through in this short video.

    Positives from my personal point of view.

    Like I said it comes across that you put a lot of work and time into this.

    Some of the shots and camera work I personally thought were really good and looked professional.(ie) class room scene & bike scene .

    Negatives again from my personal point of view

    Didnít get the whole dream/nightmare thing???? And the end.

    Found the constant black screen with text and music change to emphasise specific words distracting and in some way for me cheapened some of the other great work.

    I am beginner and in all honesty what you have done blows what I can do out of the water so I am just giving you my honest unbiased opinion as a viewer regardless of my skill in these matters.

    Most important thing is keep going and keep getting better.

    Your creativity is there in abundance.

    All the best and keep posting

    Bob

  8. #8

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    Quote Originally Posted by Midnight Blue View Post
    I will develop my view. I'm glad you have come back as a lot of people seem to post a video just to get the view count up on YouTube and never come back after I've spent time critiquing there video. Or may be I scare them off.

    I liked the opening shot but unfortunately it seemed to go down hill from there. The zoom should only be used for a good purpose otherwise it just shouts out armature. The way you should have communicated "this is the story of a girl who lives in this town by the sea" is, long shot to establish the scene. Then shots of parts of the town and people relevant to the story of the film. A kind of introduction of people and places like you did with the nice tracking shots after the zoom. When you move in to the girl and she is saying "I can't remember when it all started" she says started twice, Also the music is a bit loud in that section you put in a "cinematic drum beat" which was out of time with both the music and the images so comes across like it was a mistake, You dipped the music track at that point which made it seem even more out of place. If you are going to use a big drum beat then put it on a dramatic cut.

    You did the same again with another sound around 1:05 which really distracts. Do you only have one audio track in your editing program ?

    I liked the fade from the seagull to the girl on the beach. BUT then you make another bad sound edit as you cut the nightmare. It seems you can use a camera but don’t have a feel for sound editing. I would work on this as sound is so important in a movie.

    As a trailer it didn’t communicate what the dream is, so I just get confused as to how a dream can also be a nightmare. It didn't give me any feeling that I would want to watch the movie, just showing some nice tracking shots is not enough to keep me engaged.


    Dear Midnight Blue,I'm not here for a view count up on youtube..far from that..I'm here for detailed and pertinent feedback just like yours.
    I can have as many audio tracks as I can on my editing program..I do confess that I haven't given the same attention to cutting the audio in the same way I cut the video scenes,though I'm fully aware of the importance of both elements,especially in a trailer.In fact,the music,up to 01:21 is one uncut piece.
    As for the word "started",she didn't say it twice..that was supposed to be like a dying echo .
    Your confusion as to how a dream can also be a nightmare..well I was actually counting on that very confusion to make you want to see the short film !
    Thanks again so much for your feedback.

  9. #9

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    Quote Originally Posted by slimbob View Post
    Hi thanks for posting your video.

    Your passion shines through in this short video.

    Positives from my personal point of view.

    Like I said it comes across that you put a lot of work and time into this.

    Some of the shots and camera work I personally thought were really good and looked professional.(ie) class room scene & bike scene .

    Negatives again from my personal point of view


    Didnít get the whole dream/nightmare thing???? And the end.

    Found the constant black screen with text and music change to emphasise specific words distracting and in some way for me cheapened some of the other great work.

    I am beginner and in all honesty what you have done blows what I can do out of the water so I am just giving you my honest unbiased opinion as a viewer regardless of my skill in these matters.

    Most important thing is keep going and keep getting better.

    Your creativity is there in abundance.

    All the best and keep posting

    Bob

    Dear Bob,

    Thanks so much for what you call your "honest unbiased oopininon as a viewer".You know that that kind of opinion often matters more than most professional feedback,because in the end a work of art is intended basically for viewers,regardless of whether they are professionals or not.

    I'm just a bit confused..reding your comment I got the impression that you were reacting to the short film,which I haven't posted yet,rather than to a trailer.

    I think the tralier is not supposed to tell what the dream or the nightmare are,nor how a dream can be a dream and a nightmare at the same time.I guess the trailer should just make the viewer curious to know how that can be.

    Expecting your answer soon .

  10. #10
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    Unfortunately I read the others' comments before watching and had prepared myself for something much worse than I thought it was. So I was pleasantly surprised. Others' comments are all valid but they are far from suggesting you should give up. Whilst I agree with Midnight about zooms screaming amateur - however he chooses to spell it - It didn't leap out at me in this particular instance.

    I didn't particularly mind the text rather than a voiceover. I quite like to have the "blurb" spelled out visually - this helps separate it from the audio of the film. If it's done with a voiceover one has to be very careful to make it clear what is "trailer voiceover" and what is part of the film. this is particularly important if the same person is doing both.
    I quite liked the movement on the text but I think the fornt needed to be a much cleaner sans serif one.

    I think the problem - and this is where others' comments about not getting the "dream/nightmare" thing comes in - is that it doesn't tease enough to make the viewer want to see the film. All it says to me is the film is about a girl's dream which becomes her nightmare. Sorry, that's not enough. You need to give some hints, some suggestions of what both her dream and gher nightmare are. Obviously you should not be giving away the story, but we do need more.

    It's a bit like trailing Jaws without mentioning there's a shark involved!

    I know you put loads of scary effects in there, but that didn't really tell us anything other than you like to do some scary effects.

    So, what I'm saying basically is that I agree with you when you say "I think the tralier is not supposed to tell what the dream or the nightmare are,nor how a dream can be a dream and a nightmare at the same time.I guess the trailer should just make the viewer curious to know how that can be." the trailer needs to give us more to raise our curiosity.
    Tim

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