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Thread: Short Film - "EFP"

  1. Default Short Film - "EFP"

    Hey guys, I would love to hear some feedback on a short film I recently did -

    Last edited by Showermind33; 11-09-2011 at 06:25 AM.

  2. #2
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    It was an interesting and worthwhile exercise, but in all honesty I don't think it quite works as a film.

    The fact you've tried to do it in as few shots as possible works against the film: Some of it to really too shakey and some of the composition suffers - in particular the stuff shot from shoulder height whilst the actors are seated or lying down. Cuts to close up shots and mre interesting angles would improve it no end. The long pause while we look at the corner of the window during the stabbing also doesn't work: it's wobbly and it's an uninteresting shot. Whilst you ight get away with this later in the film (eg if played the right war round) it is much more likely to lose the viewres attention when at the beginning.

    I'm not sure about the music - it helps add to the idea that we are disinterested observers rather than drawing us into the film. However, I don't know what I'd use for sound - there's not a lot of opportunity.

    I took the trouble to download and reverse it and I think it plays better the right way round. I suspect this is for a couple of reasons:
    The opening shots are from a slightly more interesting angle - by the time we come to the less interesting ones we are invloved in the story, so it's less obvious.
    We start with a POV shot of the young man and walking and happening upon the argument. This immediately gives us some sort of identification with the young man and thus we are more involved in the film.
    The fact the stoy made more sense to me is totally down to my incapacity to retain information!

    But as I said, a very worthwhile exercise. I learnt from it!
    Tim

  3. Default

    Hey Tim, thanks for taking the time to write out such a detailed analysis, I'll try to learn from what you said. And yeah, with the shakiness, I really wanted to work on long takes because I've been so quick-cut heavy in the past; however, I don't have a steady-cam, so it came out the way it did. I personally thought it was boring playing it forwards, I like Memento-esque stories that aren't played linearly but I think it's just a subjective thing.

    And yeah, I think the one thing I would definitely change is the pause at the beginning. My class watched "Reservoir Dogs" in class and watched the famous *spoiler-alert* ear-cutting scene where the camera pans away and you have to imagine what is happening, but it simply isn't as effective played backwards. However I really liked the idea of an entire story being played backwards so I kept it.

    Again, appreciate the critique, I like thinking about how I could have done things differently.
    Last edited by Showermind33; 11-09-2011 at 09:27 AM.

  4. #4

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    I think Tim has coved most of the points on this video. I liked that you tried to be different by playing it backwards. It reminded me of a video I saw from a forum member a couple of years ago who did a similar thing. What this shows though is, if your going to do something like this with a video, you need to have it storyboarded and choreographed better.

    LINK TO OTHER VIDEO so you can see what I mean. Did you always intend to show it backwards or did you make that decision after filming. I agree with Tim, that it was a good exercise to do and I'm sure you have learnt a lot for doing it.

  5. Default

    It definitely was my intention from the get-go. I wanted to tell a relatively simple story in a way that, if played backwards, allowed for more interpretation with what could possibly be going on with the characters. Even with it backwards, I asked my friend about what he thought, and we both differed on what the "main" character's motives were with the girl in his bed. I really liked how there could be several interpretations of what was happening even though I thought it was pretty straight forward and simple when I started it.

    Truth be told, I didn't have it planned out as well as I would have liked, since it was for an assignment that was due relatively soon and I had changed my idea several times already. With that said, I still learned about how approaching a story in a unique way can add to a story and such.

    As for the video that you linked, you must have a memory like an elephant to just remember that off the top of your head like that! And that is EXACTLY what I needed to see with how my concept could have been fleshed out and improved (adding the ring for drama, the cut shots to make it more interesting, and playing with going forwards as well as backwards). It really makes me think twice about my concept being complete when I see all that can be added in a positive way.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Showermind33 View Post

    As for the video that you linked, you must have a memory like an elephant to just remember that off the top of your head like that!
    He has, but the simple fact is if you dare to be different, then that film will stick in people's minds (the same film immediately came to my mind when watching yours). That is why it's such a good thing to try out these ideas. To my recollection this was the only other drama that we've seen here since I've been around which made extensive use of reverse footage.[/quote]


    Another - a non-drama - but requiring serious choreography was THIS VIDEO
    Tim

  7. #7

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    You do realise I've just wasted an hour watching lip dub videos now because of you.

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    And you also realize that you caused me to sink into a logistics coma after thinking of all the prep work and involvement that had to take Talk about putting work into perspective.

  9. #9

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    I really enjoyed that. Props.
    I liked the music, I quite liked the one camera angle which gave it a sort of first person effect and I liked the way the story developed. I think something should have ended the film (started the sequence) which surprises and leaves a bigger questions with the audience. Maybe he'd had an argument with his girlfriend which is why she didn't follow him inside which gave her further motive. But as it stands, as the film unfolds our expectations are disproved (though a little unrealistically). More detail in the narrative to explain why he didn't do the honourable thing and sleep on the floor would help. I think the way it is shot, there are puzzles to be solved or revealed by the director which is more entertaining than the need to identify with the character. I enjoyed that

  10. Default

    Quote Originally Posted by oneloosecrank View Post
    I really enjoyed that. Props.
    I liked the music, I quite liked the one camera angle which gave it a sort of first person effect and I liked the way the story developed. I think something should have ended the film (started the sequence) which surprises and leaves a bigger questions with the audience. Maybe he'd had an argument with his girlfriend which is why she didn't follow him inside which gave her further motive. But as it stands, as the film unfolds our expectations are disproved (though a little unrealistically). More detail in the narrative to explain why he didn't do the honourable thing and sleep on the floor would help. I think the way it is shot, there are puzzles to be solved or revealed by the director which is more entertaining than the need to identify with the character. I enjoyed that
    Thanks, you seem to have similar points to my friend that I talked to which probably means that I could have worked the story differently to alleviate the questions that pop up. The one we kept discussing was the sleeping in the bed part and why he didn't sleep on the floor. I thought at the time that it wouldn't look too damning if he was in the bed, while still allowing you to decide what his intentions were. Apparently to you and my friend, being in the bed leaned toward the dishonorable end of the spectrum.

    I definitely like the idea of adding to the other characters to further add to the mystery of what is happening. If there's one thing I would do differently in changing the video from having listened to everyone's advice, it would be to explore more storylines and go more in depth wih the characters. Maybe if I had more time, I would have done that. But it's definitely something to keep in mind in further projects.

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