Sorry mate - It just doesn't work for me. It just doesn't 'sell' you really. Some lovely shots but it lacks punch and vitality and energy. If I was a prospect watching it with the idea of booking you all I'd know is that you film nice scenes nicely. It sounds harsh I know - but it is only my opinion.
I think the font you've used is kind of 'dated' and it doesn't do anything interesting....
If I was making a showreel using just the footage you've used there I think I'd struggle. Personally I think you need much more footage, much tighter editing, much punchier soundtrack and much more descriptive text in the absense of a voice over.
Imagine yourself looking online to book someone to film you a commercial. Would what you see in your reel make you feel you had to get in touch as soon as you could?
Remember though - this is all just my opinion.