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Thread: Achievements

  1. #1

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    A story about Sam Walterson, a Halo player who passes out from lack of sleep one night, after attempting to get an achievement his friend Alex tells him about.

    My first film with my 7D, back in nov. I directed, shot, and edited it. Again, comments, criticism and honest opinions are what id love to hear.


  2. #2
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    Hmmm strange mix.

    I know nothing about Halo (how can that be? Simple, i'm nearly three times your age and still think Tetris is a pretty neat game), but I don't think I particularly need to to understand the concept here which i though was quiet good.
    But the film itself was a mix of some very good ideas with some good execution and some really poor stuff.

    First, you must be congartulated for not following current trends:

    1. You mainly used a tripod, only resorting to wobbly hand-held to achieve a particular effect - which makes the effect all the more powerful.
    2. You didn't overuse shallow depth of field to show off the fact you can on the 7D

    The opening scene was simply not funny the way it was delivered. ("I gotta go sell umbrellas" was a funny line though). The framing is dreadful, with characters eyes constantly in the top quarter of the screen.Then end of that scene as our hero doses off was much better filmed and edited.

    The opening of scene 2 has a major flaw: the alarm wakes him but he's late? Who sets an alarm for "too late"? (Or indeed for 7:47? - only someone suffering from OCD would set an alarm for anything less on the 5 mins)
    The run to school was well done and just te right length. Why show it for longer? And the "Yes" at the end was well delivered/shot as well as the reaction shot to the Achievement" message appearing.
    Then we have a shot where his eyes almost disappear beyong the top of the frame - bad!

    The group scene is bad.

    Aside fom the main character the acting was generally dreadful - poor even for student friends who'd been reluctantly roped in. It was all - actor says line, pause, another says line, pause ... It's not just the acting though, this could have been tightened up with slicker editing. Again the shots are poorly framed with eyes right at the top of the screen.

    The sound in this scene is also dreadful. I can barely hear some lines. You need to get a mic in close. It would be easy to have a boom above the actors - there's no chance of it appearing in the frame withe them shot so high in it (have I laboured that point enough yet?)

    I'm not sure the section after this shoudl have been hand-held. If you'd used a tripod here (before the talk with the guy in the blue shirt), the shakiness with the explosions would be more effective.

    The looking out of teh window sequence was well done - I particularly liked the cut to the final shot of him with his hand on the window - this was a great change of perspective allowing you to follow him towards the stairs.

    The cut at 5:35 is a bit wierd - certainly it doesn't conform to the normal "rules" of continuity, but I sort of like the suggestion that the talent has walked around the back of the viewer.

    I thought the sequence following "you've failed" was well done - it would be so easy to go totally over the top here, but you have wisely decided not to and I think the film is all the more effective for it.

    In the final shots of Alex - he has no power pack in his controller - poor continuity and immediately obvious even to a 50 year old who still thinks Tetris is a good game!

    B+
    Tim

  3. #3

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    Thanks, took note of everything. Though it should be noted, I think the alarm thing waking him up too late is fine, because after all, it's a dream. The framing could've been better had I gone into after effects to set aspect ratios and move the shots around to frame them nicely, but we had worked on it for a long time and it was time to just be done with it, so we could do other projects throughout the school year. But anyway, thanks again for the honest opinions, most people just go "oh yeah, its great, better than any high school work I've ever seen!" Glad to receive some legitimate criticism.

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    Quote Originally Posted by davidbouhs View Post
    But anyway, thanks again for the honest opinions,...Glad to receive some legitimate criticism.
    That's what makes this site so good. We can all learn. I learn as much about what can be improved in my films by trying to criticise others constructively, as by others criticising mine. What's generally good about the criticism here is (a) there's normally a reason given (rather than this was bad/that was bad, or I didn't like this or that, it says WHY it was bad or WHY I didn't like it. and (b) It's only ever the work that's criticised - it's never meant personally (well, bery rarely it is, if someone comes on spamming or making a persistant *** of themselves).

    I hope I didn't leave you with the impression I didn't think it was good - I tried to highlight some of the good points.

    Quick hint on the framing: If you frame it right in the camera, you won't need time to move it around in editing
    Tim

  5. #5

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    Quote Originally Posted by TimStannard View Post
    That's what makes this site so good. We can all learn. I learn as much about what can be improved in my films by trying to criticise others constructively, as by others criticising mine. What's generally good about the criticism here is (a) there's normally a reason given (rather than this was bad/that was bad, or I didn't like this or that, it says WHY it was bad or WHY I didn't like it. and (b) It's only ever the work that's criticised - it's never meant personally (well, bery rarely it is, if someone comes on spamming or making a persistant *** of themselves).

    I hope I didn't leave you with the impression I didn't think it was good - I tried to highlight some of the good points.

    Quick hint on the framing: If you frame it right in the camera, you won't need time to move it around in editing
    I know, maybe if I wanted to keep it regular 16:9, but lately I've been going for 2.35, which often requires I change some things since I'm shooting on a 16:9 screen.

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