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Thread: Chimera

  1. Default Chimera

    Hello Everyone,

    I made this film for a high school film class that I'm in as a "film Noir" style video.
    I just wanted to get some feed back on it, let me know what you think.

    Thanks,
    Keller

    Keller Nunley
    KS Films
    www.Kellersmeller.com

  2. #2

    Default

    Interesting lighting and reasonable sound execpt I couldn't hear what the boss guy was saying. If it's raining the ground and people should be wet, (people notice this kind of thing). I liked the story it kept me interested to the end. Not bad editing and camera work I like that you tried something a little different. The foley was a little over done but I like the fact that you used some.

    Well done.

  3. Default

    Midnight Blue,

    Thank you for the fast reply.

    I Agree that the foley is over done, mostly the foot steps sound a little fake and the opening and closing of doors sounds tiny but the last editing of the sound was done within a short time period.

    I'm hoping to submit this to a film festival in January do you have any recommendations on what I should change before submitting?

    Thanks very much for your input!
    Keller
    Keller Nunley
    KS Films
    www.Kellersmeller.com

  4. #4

    Default

    It's hard to recommend changes as most of the things needed, can't be changed example phone rings focus on phone good, BUT when he picks it up and starts talking you should have focus pulled to bring him in focus. I guess the best thing you could do in post is to give the whole sound a thorougher going over. Dialogue should be clear, the boss is a bit boomy so it needs some EQ. Re-work the foley.

    One editing point I would change is the black out at around 4:30 lasts to long. It's a good idea but needs to be a little bit shorter. ALSO the getting out the car shot at 6:05, I liked the originality but it wasn't executed good enough so needs cutting.

    There's a few things for you to be working on.

  5. #5
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    Default

    I do not really like films like that. It engaged me and intrigued me, but then just left me with no explanation or even any clues from which I could draw my own conclusions. It just left me frustrated. Maybe I'm being particularly dense. If there is an explanation of what is supposed to have happened, I'd be grateful to know what it is and what signposts I missed.

    But if we leave aside the fact that I feel totally cheated, my observations are as follows:

    Foley noise too much (on the indoor scenes) as already mentioned.

    The bosses lines were dreadful. "We're having to make some cutbacks - you're one of our best employees - bad things happen to good people" Totally unconvincing. The way Frank took the news of his wife's bombshell and the sacking was also unconvincing.

    The rain when he walked outside was totally unconvincing too. The ground was dry, his clothes were dry and whilst the camera panned around the rain stayed at the same angle in relation to the screen. (You can at least fix this third problem in post)

    Great shot at 2:35, but this whole sequence is spoiled by crossing the line and other bad cuts: the cut immediately to the one after this (at 2:45) has a different colouring and the characters have swapped sides in the frame; then we cut back again at 2:52; then we have a cut at 3:18 where we've just jumped from looking face on at Frank one side of the stranger to the other.

    Then other odd things. The noise from the "trunk" was good whilst driving, but then why nothing when he stopped?


    All in all, I thought you had a good idea which left me at least dissatisfied, some great moody shots and sounds, but which was let down by some poor acting and wasn't pieced together quite as well as it deserved.
    Tim

  6. Default

    Tim,

    The idea of the video at the end was that he thought that his wife was in the trunk of the car because when he called her the phone rang in the trunk. However upon opening the trunk found that all the sounds in the trunk were coming from the tape player and when he turned around was hit by the "dealer". Frank woke up in the trunk and outside the car was the "dealer" offering someone the same offer that was presented to frank but this time frank is the person of interest in the trunk.

    The bosses dialog in the office was all ad-libbed so I didn't really have any control over what he said. The people acting in the video were all first time actors from my class so again didn't have to much control over the acting quality.

    I will definitely fix the foley and try to re-work the rain. I'm thinking that maybe if i make it less of a down poor and more of a mist it will make the fact that the ground and subjects aren't wet more realistic.

    I'm still trying to make my videos more clear. All of the films I've made have been hard to understand for people which is a weakness i really need to work on, not much of a story teller i guess.

    Thank you very much for the input, I don't really get any critical advice from anyone at my school (I get frustrated when people say that there is nothing wrong with my work) And really appreciate the people on the forum for giving useful advice.

    Thanks Again!
    Keller
    Keller Nunley
    KS Films
    www.Kellersmeller.com

  7. #7
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    Thanks for respondong, Keller.
    Quote Originally Posted by kellersmeller View Post
    The idea of the video at the end was that he thought that his wife was in the trunk of the car because when he called her the phone rang in the trunk. However upon opening the trunk found that all the sounds in the trunk were coming from the tape player
    I'd got that much...
    Quote Originally Posted by kellersmeller View Post
    and when he turned around was hit by the "dealer".
    And that was something which, whilst not rammed down our thoats, was suggested by the film.
    Quote Originally Posted by kellersmeller View Post
    Frank woke up in the trunk and outside the car was the "dealer" offering someone the same offer that was presented to frank
    Yep. Got that too....
    Quote Originally Posted by kellersmeller View Post
    but this time frank is the person of interest in the trunk.
    But any sense I'm making of this falls apart here. When Frank is scammed it is no more than a tape in the trunk. So it's a psychological game the stranger is playing with Frank. But now there is a real body in the trunk, so this is a totally different game.

    Even if we (as viewers) accept the lack of explanation as to why it is happening at all, the film does not even present an explanation of why the stranger has progressed from playing a psychological game to playing a game with a real body in the trunk.

    Also, on a practical level, there is no clue as to how the wife's phone sound is made to come from the trunk. This needs some sort of explanation if the plot is to be at all believable.
    Quote Originally Posted by kellersmeller View Post
    I'm still trying to make my videos more clear. All of the films I've made have been hard to understand for people which is a weakness i really need to work on, not much of a story teller i guess.
    This is a common problem with developing screenplays. You are the director and/or editor. You know what is going on. It is obvious (to you). The difficulty is seeing it with the eyes of someone who has no former knowledge. Your screenplays are hard to understand because it is impossible for you to strike a balance between not making the audience think and not treating them as imbiciles. I think you need to run your screenplays by other people before shooting. And one of the biggest problems in resolving this is we all know far too few people whose opinions we trust who are available to see it for the first time.

    But it's fun, learning. Isn't it!
    Last edited by TimStannard; 12-07-2010 at 05:55 PM.
    Tim

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