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Thread: Requesting Feedback for Short Film.

  1. Default Requesting Feedback for Short Film. - UPDATED 1.1

    Hi everyone.

    I would be very grateful if people here could watch my short and provide me with honest, constructive feedback. I directed, edited and acted it all myself.

    Title -
    On The Outside

    Brief Synopsis -
    A soldier, held captive, endures torture far longer than he expected.

    Last edited by three1ne; 03-02-2010 at 02:16 AM.

  2. #2


    This a great example of how to use sound to create an atmosphere. You did a great job with your acting and editing. I found the narrative confusing which I suppose was intentional to create the state of confusion in the man. When he was in his flat. Was that flashback/dream/future ? I wasn't sure of it's purpose. Plus the sound was low on his speech, so much so that I couldn't make out what he was saying.

    How did you find the location of the cell/tunnels ? It was very well used. Along with the stylised exteriors they worked well.

    What was the significance of the TV and putting his hand down the hole? Was it that he had lost the plot, the narrative went way over my head around that point. I'm not sure if he died when the heart monitor flat lined, I guess so. By this time in the movie the narrative had lost me.

    Even so, I thought it was a well made, dark, dramatic, atmospheric piece. Well worth a viewing.

    Very well done Shaun.

  3. Default

    Thanks for the review, its greatly appreciated.

    The flat scenes are all in his mind. He was injured at the end of his captivity and while he was in hospital he was hallucinating/dreaming of a state of emptiness (no contact when using his phone, no picture on the tv etc). As his condition worsened his hallucinating/dreaming became more horrific too (the heart on the tv is a representation of the heart monitor). The hole that he investigates is just a visual representation that his mind is messed up and you could say it 'drags him down either further' although thats a little cheesy and my only real intention was to try and add a decent climax to the horror.

    The only parts that was 'real' was the captivity and the hospital scenes.

    I filmed the tunnel parts at Languard Fort. I was kindly granted the best part of the day to walk around on my own accord and filmed what I wanted. No acting was done there, the actual cell was my garage.

  4. #4


    Thanks for the clarification of the narrative. Like I said even though I didn't fully get it I thought you had made a terrific movie.

    Did you do all the camera work or did you have a friend help when you were acting?

  5. Default

    Done it all myself. Was very testing at times, I wear glasses so trying to frame a shot whilst blind was I also made the models at the start by myself.

    Ive got a few positive comments so far so I think ill go ahead, tomorrow, and take off the password and add titles and hopefully host my video on a proper short fillm review site. Not sure where exactly though.

  6. #6


    I think taking the password off should give you a few more reviews on here.

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Feb 2006
    Surrey, UK
    Blog Entries


    I try to work out what I might say about these films before I read comments by others and I have to say I could almost have written exactly what MB said in his first response (though I'm sure I'd have taken three times as many words to say it).

    Bleak and harrowing are two words I'd use to describe it. Disturbing doesn't really cover it.

    Thanks for the explanations given. I actually interpretted the hole as him searching for something / some explanation (which might still fit with your intention) and it might be nice to come up with some sort of symbolic dead end?

    Technically I did find most of it too dark and grainy. Had to switch the light off to make out anything. I'm sure there's a way to "light for dark" so that you can capture the detail and then fix in post to make it look dark.

    And whilst it's an interesting piece, it feels more like a scene from a film than a film in its own right. We have no idea why he's there, we have no sympathy with he character. I was hoping we might get at least some hints of this but sadly not.

    ...Unless the conversation in the flat explained all. I'm afraid this was one scene where the sound let the film down badly - couldn't hear a word.

    Nevertheless an evocative piece. Thanks for sharing and I look forward to seeing the completed product.

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Sep 2009
    Haywards Heath, West Sussex, UK


    Your use of sound is very powerful but at times I think you drive it a little too far. The images you created were certainly believable. My only real gripe is it unfolds rather too slowly and I found myself urging for the story to pick up pace.

    You captured fear. As you did everything yourself you can be very proud of that one. Thanks for posting.

  9. Default

    Thanks for the responses. I fixed the issue with the quiet sound, changed the colour of a minor scene and added titles. Just currently hoping Vimeo sorts out an annoying issue with the sound.

  10. #10


    Did you re edit some scenes as well ? I don't remember the very beginning starting with the guy with the gun. Maybe I was in shock the first time I saw it and I just don't remember.

    This is better but a word of the dialogue was cropped at the beginning when he says "even though I no longer live there".

    I still think it's a very powerful piece.

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