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Thread: My New Short - 'You Used To Be My Romeo'

  1. #1
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    Default My New Short - 'You Used To Be My Romeo'

    I'd like to think it's a simple story, simply told. I've not had a chance to After Effect some continuity errors yet so please disregard them AND DON'T GO LOOKING FOR THEM!

    Advice on how to get a nice smooth slow mo using a standard DV cam (Canon XM2) and Sony Vegas would be welcome.


  2. #2
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    Yeah it quite different....Got a strange feel to it. Your continuity issues ain't worth mentioning so I won't,...Oh I just have.. Seriously though a nice little film just about spot on in length for the amount of material on offer,
    4 out of 5 from me.

  3. #3

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    I have toiled over this since last night. I think if someone puts that amount of effort into a project and post it here for critical perusal, it's only fair we should make an effort with it.

    Firstly congratulations on making this movie. It's very good in my opinion. It took me 24hrs to decide that ! A couple of points the stab scene, blood on the camera good idea to express the violence of the attack but it takes away the realism you tend to have with your work. (What I've seen on YouTube, Macbeth was really good by the way).

    This for me is an important point as you get great realistic performances from your actors so to deliberately put something in for dramatic effect takes away that element of the piece, well for me it does. If the camera was right there in the room up close them it may have worked. OK enough about blood.

    At 2:15 when the guy is on the balcony the jump cuts don't work for me. This could be reworked. Think about what you were trying to communicate in that scene and how you could re-cut it to do that. What's going on the the guys mind etc. Just to the point of looking at the ring. Not the whole thing.

    This story strikes a nerve with me. You did a really good job.

    Also the music was perfect.

    You mixed the sound really well at the beginning with the opening titles, which I liked, fading it into the flat was very clever. It takes a really good ear to do it as well as you did.

    Should there be ambient party noise at around 3:40 or not, I don't know, it would spoil the great music track written by Dave Abbott. So I think you were right not to do that.

    You also did a great job of mixing the forward and backward motion. It was not easy to spot during the stabbing when it changed unless you were really looking for it.

    Any way I think I've said enough. Very well done Fraser, Great Job.

  4. #4
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    I'll go more in depth next time

  5. #5
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    The chip pan was on fire!!!

  6. #6

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    Quote Originally Posted by solway View Post
    The chip pan was on fire!!!
    If things really do come in threes, that's your third thing. Now things can only get better.

  7. #7
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    I really, really liked it. Unlike Midnight I had no problem with the balcony scene nor the blood splash but the stabbing itself didn't quite work for me. I don't know why, maybe it was a bit too distant. dunno.

    As a short film it had a good story but did you think of having a twist in the tail/tale? Instead of the girl and protagonist arriving together, have the victim and the protagonist arriving as a gay pair!

    Nah, maybe not... Great effort however.

  8. #8
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    In the light of the other comments I'm beginning to think maybe I'm not such a good judge. I didn't dislike it - far from it - but my comments are rather a mixed bag.

    I loved the concept and the "big moment" for me was when i realised how we were going to go on a journey back to before discover the motivation for the stabbing. Whilst not totally original, showing this all in reverse is certainly highly unusual and I found it very effective in this film.

    My "problem" with it is that the most obvious guess one would have as to the motivation was that it was a jilted boyfriend thing. I suspect that most people would give that as their first guess just by watching the first scene (before any reverse).

    That in itself needn't be an issue, but there was absolutely nothing along the way which either added to this or acted as a red herring. We didn't see different episodes (or even evidence of different episodes) which showed how his victim & girlfriend had cheated (perhaps over time) ***, or how the protagonists suspicions had been aroused or increased, or really anything to show us how he had got to this point.

    Equally you didn't bowl us a googly at any point to make us think perhaps it wasn't a jealous boyfriend, but something entirely different.

    In other words everything that the last 4 minutes told us was what we would naturally guess in the first minute. And it failed to embellish it in any way or add to the story.

    OK some might think that the two lads arriving together as mates might be a bit of a revelation, but again, I suspect most would assume from the beginning that in a drama the "cheat" is likely to be a friend of the cuckold.

    *** It may be that the photographs in the camera held a clue or something which added to the plot, but, whilst I assumed they showed the three of them, they were too overexpsed and unclear for me to see what was in them.

    OK Enough! So I liked the concept but not the story. Big deal. Others clearly did.

    The only other thing I didn't really like was the positions of the front door and the door into the bedroom in relation to each other and the way they were filmed.

    It threw me. The guy walked towards what looks like a front door, then we get a close up of what looks like him opening it - and this looks like a bad edit. Of course it does, cos it's not the front door he's opening, it's the one to the left of it. In fact I did a double take at first thinking that there was a bedroom through the front door. You need some sort of intermediate shot in between these to establish the relationship.

    OK, it's only minor, but anything that takes us out of the action and back to reality spoils the flow.

    The other minor criticism I would have was that it wasn't obvious that the couple we see disappearing into the bedroom are who they are. It OUGHT to be obvious given the colour of her hair, but that comes across as brunette in those shots. Perhaps they should be wearing some more distinctive clothes.

    I agree entirely with those positive comments made by Midnight and Gaffer (those which are not in direct opposition to my own above, anyway)

    The music was particularly well chosen and well used.

    The acting was very natural - no small feat.

    You had a good mix of shots, and you set the scene well.

    Personally I liked the jump cuts on the balcony - I interpreted it representing the turmoil the actor was going through in trying to decide whether to take action or not. We've all been there - internal wrestling with yourself.

    Great job with the film. I just wish I'd got more from it, either in terms of story or getting inside the protagonists head.
    Tim

  9. #9
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    Your film really impressed me and I have to say its probably the best offering I have seen on here so far. I have not seen any film I can remember where virtually the whole story was revealed in reverse.

    Tim and Gaffer make very good points when they suggest there were great possibilities for an interesting twist. It was obvious from the start what was going on and to have ended with a twist would have been the real icing on the cake.

    Fantastic effort, I look forward to the next offering.

  10. #10

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    I'm very new at all this so I can;t offer any help, but I liked it. Great Job!!

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