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Thread: Looking for critique on "Mustache"

  1. Smile Looking for critique on "Mustache"

    I made this video for a high school video production class. We just had to make a 3-4 min. film on any topic. I was disappointed to find that my video was the best in the class (by far) and that no one in the class had really ever made a video. My teacher for this class does not really seem to know much about film and did not really give me a review that I felt could help me.

    So it would be much appreciated if someone could give me a short pro and con list on the film.

    Equipment: Cannon Vixia HV30
    Audio-Technica Shotgun mic.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Feb 2006
    Surrey, UK
    Blog Entries


    I'm not surprised that your vid was the best by far. I appreciate that's not really what you want to hear because you want to learn from your peers rather than drag them up to your standard, but your films show the sort of undertanding of film which only usually comes with a fair dal of experience.

    It also helps that you have pretty good content. Most comedies made by teen filmmakers tend to lapse into humour which only the maker and his best friends find in the slightest way amusing. Yours show a greater maturity - still juvenile, but in a manner that appeals to this 49 y/o anyway.

    It's really pretty good and technically as good if not better than anything I've ever made but that doesn't necessarily mean I can't comment constructively...

    I didn't really see the point of the "In a time of mustache".
    The opening was slightly spoiled by the poor integration of the text on the phone.
    Other than that the opening was very good. The timing was tight. I loved the upside down waking up face. The sitting up into frame and the "Oh no" all very good. and then an immediate cut into exactly the right music for a suburban schoolkid running for the bus.

    The the voice over with just the right selection of shots of three examples of your bad luck ( two wouldn't be enough, four or more would make the film a story about bad luck).

    The shot of putting on the cream was too long - even if you'd cut this with some alternate angles (which it needed) it would still be too long. I'm guessing your intention was to slow the pace down at this point, but I thought it slowed it down too much.

    Watch the mounting of the camera when doing the "from inside a cupboard" shot. It wasn't square, yet wasn't at enough of an angle to be stylised.

    There's a continuity of action hiccup at about 1:55. We see you turn and walk towards screen left, then we cut to a shot where you are walking towards screen right. This is best avoided.

    Actualy upon review, it's a continuity error! You are seen first walking across the running tracks (perpendicular to the lines) then you turn and walk alomg the tracks. We cut to the next shot where you're shown walking across the tracks again.

    When you start the run along the track, you clearly veer off to avoid the camera. Better if you went over it or cut before the veer.

    I think we could have done with one more example of the superhuman strength that the mustache give you. Three nearly always works. Indeed this is so engrained in our expectations, I was expecting you to take over the computer game and suddenly start scoring masssive points!

    Sadly for me the film began to flag at this point. I could understand the humour you were trying to get across in the "conversation" between the two kids, but it just didn't seem that funny. I wonder whether it could have been cut quite severely. The guy playing the game was poorly framed (dead center with too much headroom) and some of the shots were too long without a change of angle.

    The worst part for me was the ending. The film was shot/edited in such a way that we had no idea of the spacial relationship between the hero and the guy drinking. Therefore the slapstick gag fell a bit flat. (If you don't see what I'm getting at - we see in one shot a guy throwing some liquid, in another shot a guy getting hit by some liquid. Only in the second shot can we make the link between the two people. It's lacking a "set up" which clearly places the two characters in relation to each other.

    I've been pretty ruthless as I believe that's what you wanted and aI hope some of this is of use to you.

    It's a great lttle film and I will expect even better from you next time.

    Thanks for sharing.

  3. Default Thanks

    First off, Thank you for taking the time to write up such a detailed review. It helped me extensively.

    I had never noticed the continuity issue right after the establishing shot at the track. I see what your saying, I make that turn twice.

    I would have to agree with you on how the ending was very weak. It was a problem in that I had done about 30 min. of filming when it started to rain and didn't stop for about two days, So I had to work with what little footage i had.

    Again thank you very much for your help.


  4. #4
    Join Date
    Sep 2009
    Haywards Heath, West Sussex, UK


    You can indeed be proud of this film. Tim has done a real good job on the critique, so I just want to add that the choice of music was very good. Your narration was excellent and it was the type of voice that would not be out of place in a major movie release.

    It went downhill once the game sequence came on but Tim has already said how that could be improved.

    I too look forward to more from you.

  5. #5


    I think Tim has given a very strong critique of you movie. Like he said he did that because he thought thats what you wanted. I'm not sure I agree with every point he made. The framing of the cupboard shot I thought was over critical. BUT most of what he said was correct.

    I would like to point out some things that Tim didn't mention. The voice over was excellent BUT the sound in the Computer game scene fell short although I thought it was funny.

    Like Tim, I thought the end let down what was otherwise and excellent job.

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