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Thread: Break up scene rough cut

  1. #1

    Default Break up scene rough cut

    Ok, one more.

    this is a rough cut of one scene from a project that is in production. A quick synopsis... it is going to be a short film about a love triangle. the film will be split into three sections for the whole film. apart from this scene where the two characters are together. each character will be in a seperate section for the rest of the flm.

    in this scene, the guy has met up with a girl that he is cheating on his girlfriend with, and is caught by his qirlfriend. (there is an empty section on the left for a majority of the scene as i havent filmed those clips yet)

    it might not make any sense at all, really, im just loking for some crit on the filming/editing/sound/acting etc. as this is the first time ive attempted making a narrative piece.

    thanks.

    YouTube - Breakup scene. Rough cut, split screen.
    Last edited by J Fish; 12-30-2008 at 12:31 AM.

  2. #2

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    the story itself looks interesting to me, but only thing i dont quite know is how you will let people know when to look from one to the other scenes, cause lots of details will be going on the whole time in up to 3 spots. i wanna see it cause it could work great. just might take a few viewings.

    Also as shots go, when you have the two broken up in the first scene, maybe should be a bit further off of an angle on her, maybe the whole other shot that the split goes to, to give a bit more of a break in the shot there

  3. Default

    I'm not quite sure I like the look of the split screen shots. As the previous poster said you do not know which of the 3 spots to look in. I think that it would look better if it all was just put into one spot instead of 3.

    The story does look interesting to me though.

    Good Work.

  4. #4

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    I do actually think the 3 panel could work very well. don't get me wrong, but it's going to be a writing/editing nightmare, because you need to be sure the person is wanting to look in the right place at the right time.

    maybe something very subtle could do it well enough, light fading color out a tad so the eye is drawn to the other frame for the color, or use movement to do it. human eyes want to see and look at movement, just in case its a tiger out to try to sneak up on you. its why all the friggin' flash ad's give me headaches cause they think people must be half colorblind and have A.D.D.

    No really. dont feel down about the project. i am VERY interested in seeing even the next step or two in it. it has to be one of the most interesting ideas ive heard of in a while. and right now, no one that i know of has really done something quite like it, and so you wont know if it works untill you try.

  5. Default

    Quote Originally Posted by nivoset View Post
    I do actually think the 3 panel could work very well. don't get me wrong, but it's going to be a writing/editing nightmare, because you need to be sure the person is wanting to look in the right place at the right time.

    maybe something very subtle could do it well enough, light fading color out a tad so the eye is drawn to the other frame for the color, or use movement to do it. human eyes want to see and look at movement, just in case its a tiger out to try to sneak up on you. its why all the friggin' flash ad's give me headaches cause they think people must be half colorblind and have A.D.D.

    No really. dont feel down about the project. i am VERY interested in seeing even the next step or two in it. it has to be one of the most interesting ideas ive heard of in a while. and right now, no one that i know of has really done something quite like it, and so you wont know if it works untill you try.
    Oh, I am sure it would work, I was just saying it would be a lot easier doing one spot. Doing 3 spots would take much more time and effort, but it could pay off in the end.

  6. #6

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    Have you seen Timecode. Its a 4 way split, check it out.

  7. #7

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    Quote Originally Posted by MrFluffy View Post
    Have you seen Timecode. Its a 4 way split, check it out.
    Hi, yeah i've got timecode and at times it gets a bit complicated haha, but it didnt put me off trying this.

    thanks for the feedback everyone. Really really helpful

    I have written the whole script, which was a bit complicated at times but ive written it so that there is interaction between at least two characters at most of the time (mainly phone calls) while the other character is not the main focus, they will not be doing anything of interest to the viewer. Also, by using sound, hopefully it will make the viewer aware of what screen they are supposed to be looking at?

    there is also kind of a twist to the story. The girl who gets dumped, at the end, she takes out her phone, to phone a friend for comfort. A phone rings, and it happens to be the other girls phone. (in the other section of the screen) she is unawear that the guy she was seeing was actually her friends boyfriend, and she was just cought by her.

    im still unsure as to weather this is going to work out myself. if it doesnt, then i can always go for the normal edit with a single image. I have had a lot of people who dont think it'll work lol but i just really wanted to try it.

    has anyone seen Requiem for a dream? there is a whole scene in this that uses a split screen, even though the two characters are the same place. I know it has no relavence story wise, but i think visually it looks really nice. I guess having three splits is a bit extreeme, and throughout the whole film lol. But i wanted to work it into the storyline with three people.




    also, i did a littlt kind of "test intro" working with the split screen

    YouTube - Test intro by john fisher sountrack by paul lloyd.


    Thanks for eveyones imput

    John

  8. #8

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    Quote Originally Posted by J Fish View Post
    while the other character is not the main focus, they will not be doing anything of interest to the viewer.
    Does that not run the risk of reducing your story telling area by 1/3. Should the other frame not have something that is part of the story, even if its just minor.

    One of the beauties of cinima is that it allows us to hide from the viewer the boring inactive bits. I think your viewers will expect that everything on screen has a purpose and is not just there for the gimmick of having 3 frames.

    If your just treading water in 1/3 of the screen you should ask yourself why its onscreen at all!

    I do think its a great idea, but everything shown on screen should have a purpose or be cut.

  9. #9

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    firstly would like to say thanks for everyones feedback, it is very helpfull!

    Quote Originally Posted by MrFluffy View Post
    Does that not run the risk of reducing your story telling area by 1/3. Should the other frame not have something that is part of the story, even if its just minor.

    One of the beauties of cinima is that it allows us to hide from the viewer the boring inactive bits. I think your viewers will expect that everything on screen has a purpose and is not just there for the gimmick of having 3 frames.

    If your just treading water in 1/3 of the screen you should ask yourself why its onscreen at all!

    I do think its a great idea, but everything shown on screen should have a purpose or be cut.

    ok ,yes i see what you mean. guess i didnt really word it right. In the scene i put up, the section that is blank for most of it, will have shots of the other girl, walking off away from the scene, crying and emotional because she has just caught her boyfriend cheating on her.

    hopefully (dont know if its going to work) the viewer will establish what is going on with the girl and will concentrate on the other two characters conversation. Even if they are not looking at the two having a conversation, they will still hear it??

    the reason the girl drops a magazine, is because she was planning on going on holiday with her boyfriend (would be established in a conversation previous to this scene) whilst the guy arranges to meet up with the girl at the bench (by telephone conversation) his girlfriend is out looking in travel agents for holidays, and pics up a holiday brochure. (which will be seen in her section of the screen)

    so there will be things happening in all three images. but (hopefully) not too much for the viewer to get confused. If there is a major action in one image, it is just a simple conversation between the other two in the other images. both things moving the storyling along


    I dont know, maybe this wont work... maybe it will. I guess i'll have to wait and see

    Thanks, John
    Last edited by J Fish; 12-30-2008 at 02:56 PM.

  10. #10

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    Thanks for the clarification. Sounds good.

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