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Thread: Hey guys new short...

  1. #1

    Default Hey guys new short...

    Hey guys I haven't posted here for awhile, but can someone please check out my short I just did this weekend and explain to me why I suck at film making so much! THANKS!

    heres the link




    Just let it all out everything that is wrong tell me

  2. #2

    Default

    On the whole I quite liked it. Plot wise it was well thought out - although I would have made more about the collusion between the gunman and the guy we thought was shot - maybe a closeup of an imperceptible nod or something. Music was pretty good for the genre

    I didn't like the sudden brightness change on the bridge - I assume a cloud came across as you filmed the shot. I would have had to re-shoot that personally.

    I had three goes at trying to figure out what the girl said at the end... I'm guessing it was instructions to a taxi driver, but I really would have re-dubbed that.

  3. #3

    Default

    "On the whole I quite liked it. Plot wise it was well thought out - although I would have made more about the collusion between the gunman and the guy we thought was shot - maybe a closeup of an imperceptible nod or something. Music was pretty good for the genre

    I didn't like the sudden brightness change on the bridge - I assume a cloud came across as you filmed the shot. I would have had to re-shoot that personally.

    I had three goes at trying to figure out what the girl said at the end... I'm guessing it was instructions to a taxi driver, but I really would have re-dubbed that."


    Haha, thanks for the comments, first of all i guess it wasn't that bad... so far everyone I showed told me it was pretty good.. I think when i do shorts I always criticize my self because I know I can do much better.

    About the plot, like I said it was made for a 100 hour film contest, we got the plot "EVIL" and an action "COUNTING MONEY" at 8pm and had until the next day to figure out what we were going to do. So we decided to do this idea and stick with it because of time... and the music was done by this guy we knew in highschool that goes to Berkley college for music hes really talented so I'll let him know you told him he did well.

    About the brightness change, lmao you were right a cloud covered the scene and it was freezing out there that was like the 3rd shot and you know how actors are they wanted to get in the warm so they kept complaining.

  4. #4

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    and about the girls voice, LMAO that was fun... 5 girls let us down at the last minute all of them said they would be in our short and we finally found someone the last day, then when we were filming i guess something went wrong with the camera settings because the camera didn't record any audio.. We were in NEW JERSEY while editing this and the girl went back home to Maryland so what we did was have her say it over the phone and dub it lmao... I told the kid who was directing to redub it with some other girls voice but he wouldnt listen.. haha

  5. #5

    Default btw

    Oh yeah btw, I know the cursing in the scene next to the pool table is out right disqusting and makes the actors look horrible, The directors didn't feel the need to sit down and think of a diolouge for that scene real quick... LOL

    Anways anyone else have input? I like negative comments the best

  6. #6
    Join Date
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    The girls line was totally lost on me - even listening back three times.

    I quite liked the simple double cross/double cross plot.
    I liked your use of colour correction for the flashback.
    I liked the shot on the bridge with the guy lighting up and the other guy over his shoulder - I'm guessing you did this manually rather tha with a crane. It was vey nicely composed.

    Couple of criticisms - apart from the unnecessary obsceneties and unintelligable voice -

    The scene after the body was dumped in the car went on far too long. We'd got the idea now move on. Perhaps you could have cut it once it was obvious that the guy was about to get in and drive (say 1:19) to another shot of the car pulling up at the woods. This would keep interest up and show the change of location.

    The walk through the woods was also long, but in this instance it added to the tension. A minor criticism here is that in the first shot the guys are moving right to left across the screen, then in the next they're moving left to right. It's generally accepted that if it's the same journey in the same direction, the actors should be shown moving in the same direction (similarly if you want to show actors going somewhere and the returning, you normally show them moving in opposite directions). The use of the dissolve lessens the "jarring" that would occur with a straight cut, but it's something to bear in mind.
    Tim

  7. #7

    Default ok

    Ok, Yeah your right the continuity was off on that I didn't even notice, and thanks about the scene where we panned up when he was lighting up.. my friend came up with that shot on set and we all thought it was a money shot..

    Oh and about the car scene, when I was editing everything seemed so quick and I wanted to make the video a little longer which is why I added that, To just slow things down a little but I agree I should of had a shot of the car drive in to the woods or something I told the other 2 guys who worked on this but everyone was to cold and wouldn't listen to me :(, But I agree with you

    Thanks for your comments
    Last edited by mamaluke; 12-01-2008 at 01:58 PM.

  8. #8

    Default

    I thought it was pretty good. Noticed quite a few of the points mentioned above, certainly the girls last line was difficult to hear. Liked the grading for the flash back scenes, really liked the crane shot on the bridge. The language didn't really bother me too much (if it had been 10mins of constant swearing I probably would have got bored though). All in all though a great little film. Looking forward to seeing more of your work on here!
    Driftwood - Available on iTunes - www.driftwoodfilm.co.uk

    Follow me on twitter - @DirectorJWebber

  9. #9
    Join Date
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    Yea - I liked that.
    Overall if felt complete and consistent - it all bended well.
    You are right about he girls voice - should of just dubbed over a different girl.

    I thought the swearing was in context.

    Some of the scenes would have benefitted from some close micing - but I appreciate this adds vastly to the work when shooting.

    Unusually the acting didnt jar, axtually I didint really notice the acting - a good sign.

    Was the gun smoke done in post ?

  10. #10

    Default thanks

    Thanks alot fingercuff and mark, Im glad you like it, makes me want to shoot something this weekend..

    And yeah the flash and smoke for gun was done in post, you probaly own the same footage, I used Andrew Kramer's (videocopilot.net) prekeyed muzzle flashes, I think it works nice and its cheap

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