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Thread: Scripted, Directed, Performed & Produced!

  1. #1
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    Default Scripted, Directed, Performed & Produced!

    This is a still animated music video Scripted, directed and all the above by me, only think I did not do was animate, paid someone to do that. The Music may not be to everyone's taste, but I am a Hip Hop head, the concept I thought up should appeal to most and glean some interest from those who take the time to view it. Feed not needed, but appreciated: positive criticism please



  2. #2
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    Ummmm... I'm sorry Crazeski but I'm going to be honest.

    You wanted positive, so I'll start with that: The artwork is very good. Technically the recording of the music is top.

    Unfortunately it goes downhill from there. The song... same as any hip-hop tune in the last twenty years. The story is very, very slow, lots of repeats of the same shots. None of which are exciting enough to keep the viewer interested.
    All in all, the video's just one gag which took four long minutes to tell.

    Edit: This doesn't mean "Give up" it means that you need to try harder to make your stuff original and captivating.
    Last edited by Rembrandt Rob; 03-27-2008 at 04:44 PM.

  3. #3
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    Cool Thanks...

    Well i appreciate your honesty and view point, i would not agree with all your said, but some of your points are valid, only mitigating factors i can say are same as any independent producer director... BUDGET... I will be making another though when i save up that is hahaha... Thanks all the same!!!

  4. #4
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    " i would not agree with all your said, but some of your points are valid " - dude no no ! By definition ALL feedback is valid - you cant ask for it and then argue.

    You must take criticism on board - it is the huge compliment that anyone invests thier expertise and time in trying to help you.

    It is arrogant and can come across as offensive to take issue with slap downs and people may not help you in future.

    As for budget - irrelevant - a feeble excuse. None of the forum users, well hardly any, soend any more than pocket money on films. My highest budget to date was £80 and someone else paid that !

    Now I go watch your film.... MAybe I sohuld have done that befor posting - lols.
    Last edited by Mark W; 01-16-2009 at 11:32 AM.

  5. #5
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    The animation is lovely.

    The story boarding / script element is adequate from a contnuity persapective - it all fits together well but it is a trifle pedestrian and slow - but so is the music so it suits.

    The gag is nice but the film feels a bit sparse and empty perhaps. I think more risks could have been taken with the story boarding as the animator is soo good.

    Felt a bit flat - maybe could have benefitted from a more pacy edit.

    As a pop video not great, but as a part of a larger film it would probably work much better.

  6. #6

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    There’s a lot about that which I liked. The standard of artwork is high throughout, and you’ve created a consistent visual tone which suits the music very well. It’s certainly very ‘moody’.

    I agree with the above poster though that there are too many repeated shots, and I don’t think you’ve necessarily played to your strengths given the way you’ve structured it. Most of the vid seems to hang around a single ‘moment in time’ (just before the shooting where the guy’s being interviewed) with the story built around it in flashbacks. As a viewer it’s obvious what’s gonna happen (it’s the ‘how’ that’s interesting in this case – and what makes the film unique). And the languid pace doesn’t really lend itself to a sense of tension which might justify all the waiting around. Consequently your more interesting shots (and the message of the film) are all hidden away at the end rather than given centre-stage.

    Arguably (and you may disagree with my subjective meddling, which is cool!) if you’re gonna hang a film around a single moment-in-time it should be the most impactful one. A guy who’s just been shot, for example, is a more affecting and emotionally-engaging image than a static shot of a guy being interviewed, and might lend more weight to the supporting-material. Musically and visually it’s closer in feel to a ‘mood-piece’ than anything else, but you’ve gone in a different narrative direction and I’m not sure it was the right decision. In a short standalone piece we have nothing pre-invested in the characters – so it’s hard to really engage with any sense of drama.

    Hope that doesn’t sound too negative - I just think had you structured it differently you could perhaps have created a wider canvass for the themes and message of the film (which are presumably the point of it). As it stands, in purely linear-narrative terms, there isn’t really enough ‘story’ to drag out over the duration of the tune. A shame because - for me - it detracts slightly from all the things which are good about it. I did like the ending – and would have liked to have seen those themes more fully explored throughout.

    Dig your art-style though. And it’s nice to see a more thoughtful hip-hop video which isn’t just a man growling aggressively at the camera! A thumbs-up (but with reservations) from me.

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