Hi Suzanne. I understand your frustration.
First, the buttons don't really exist. They are something your authoring program puts or merges on the background to make a new picture. For every little change you see on the DVD menu, the authoring program has created a complete stand-alone image.
When the DVD user/viewer 'presses' a controlbutton or moves the 'hot spot' to a button, all the DVD player is doing is switching very fast between a selection of complete still pictures and if the pictures have been made correctly, it appears as if the buttons have been 'pushed' or selected. The reason it's done this way is the early DVD players were pretty stupid, no powerful microprocessors or huge amount of ram, so the DVD standards engineers created specs that imposed very special DVD formatting and structuring that allowed a relatively dumb piece of electronics to do the great job intended. This places a lot of responsibility on the DVD author. There are some 'professional' DVDs still being created with errors, so don't feel bad if you have troubles too.
Some authoring programs give much better control over every aspect of a menu and it can be a very tedious process to make a complete suite of menues for a complex DVD, but you are in total control of it's every aspect. I use DVD-Lab, which isn't as complete as the top of the line authoring programs that cost many thousands of dollars, but it's a lot cheaper, $99.
Some simpler authoring programs offer a good selection of 'canned' menu designs and will allow some customization. It's a good idea to examine the program's folders for where the button/background images are stored. With any luck they will be .jpg, .png and/or .gif types. This would allow PSP8 to make new ones or modify existing ones.
Fav quote - "Experience is whatcha don't get 'till ya don't need it no more."
System - Athlon 1.4GHz, Win98, Hauppauge PVR250 receiver and compressor.
Software -Magix Movie Edit Pro 10, Nero 6 + NeroVision Express, Moho 4.61, PSP 8.1, Bryce, Quicktime 6.52 pro, Goldwave 5, DVD-Lab.
Cameras - Panasonic GS9, Canon ES8400V, Canon EOS D20 and Canon A70