Regarding the lens / dof.
The lens on the xl is usually regarded as one of the better camcorder lenses. A better lens will not give you sharper dof unless it is a long lens, the longer the lens the sharper the dof, but zooming in with the std lens will achieve this.
There are gadgets that you can get that can give the effect you are after but they are sometimes fiddly or expensive soloutions.
This widget gives the same dof as 35mm film by projection the lens image to a spinniing ground glass plate, then into the camera lens.
http://www.dvxuser.com/articles/mini35/
Only 6000 dollars !
Cameras with larger ccds give shallower dof, with 35mmm film being larger than nearly all ccds (except mad expensive cameras), it gives the sharpest results and canoot be got reliably on the cheap.
Open the aperature, move back, zoom in, then you get the sharpest dof the easiest way.
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