Mark W

It's not how big it is but how you use it that matters. True I suppose, great content will always be king, a video of plane load of orphans in a crashing into Prince Harrys personal chinook party mobile filmed on a phone camera is far more exciting than a plane load of tourist fools landing safely shot in IMAX.

However the size of your thingy will affect how you use it.

My first proper camera came along about seven years ago, it was a small £300 panasonic. I did a vox pop with it and was stunned by how honest people were to the camera, I wanted more. " Is this for the telly" passing fools would shout.

So I thought, 'is this for the telly' - no - but if I looked like I might be from the telly, maybe peope will perform for me better and maybe I can use the decpetion to blag access to secret military establishments and massage parlours.

Two weeks later and I had a sohulder mount VX9000e and a £1200 overdraught.

The first time we tried the conciet to the max it worked like a dream. Would you believe - ' your live on channel four, give us your watch / knickers / money / phone'. It was for a pilot I worked on for free and yea it was in town on a sat night and people were drunk but to a man woman and mail reader they all fell for it. My ego was stimulated - look at me i am a real film maker - and I was hooked.

Big camera oomph works on posh PR ladies with riding crops too. A few years back I turned up at a big hunt ( foxes are nasty ) to make a film about the hunting ban and was accosted by a plummy lady who in five minutes or so had arranged an interview for me with the hunt leader.

So a few years passed and i got to wanting better video with less noise and smear and more switches and more size please vicar.

£ 1600 pounds of new kitchen money was blown on a proper pro huge throbbing cock of a best - a JVC DV5001E. I had to get the 'E' model cos all my cameras have 'E' in - SOny PC4E, Vx9000E... it's a hobby of mine. I aspire to a sony EX3 - maybe - see, I cant help myself.

So real lens is better, performance is way better, it's a joy to use and a real creative tool. But as with your cock ( if you is a man ) wielding a huge tool can have it's downsides.

I sometimes feel like Dirk Diggler in a G string when I go out filming now. Herds of children follow me shouting abuse randomly, wnaabe film babes look at me with come to bed eyes, fascist security guards accuse me of being Al- Queda, that actually happened and once on election night I was invited into the real media room only to get thrown out by two coppers cos they didnt like me filming them.

I do like having a big one but keep your tiddler unless you really like being the centre of attention.

I do.

If you want a big one like a VX9000e check e bay - pay no more than £350 as it is old DV but that big cock camera pull is a hoot.