Hmm, the film, yes, my bad, I concentrated on the gear rather than the content. I'll turn the sound on this time!

IMHO.... yes it's just my view.. blady blady blaaaah.....

So, yes, agree the focus pull has to be relevent, the first shot is a good example, the fence has no actual relevence (I think).

Easy to be picky, but that's my way. In a few places the narration could link to the visual better I feel. Like the line 'that simple look as you walked away', I feel that if the footage had been slowed, and the young lady's look timed so that her head turned from the words '..that simple...' it would have impacted on me more.

The bit where the clouds stopped moving behind the sign. You cut away from it, then returned to it, lost flow there for me, I understand how it sat in the film, but the cut back to the same image struck me as back pedalling in feel, perhaps a different view of the same sign? or fading rather than hard cuts?

What seemd to be intended as perhaps memory shots of the girl at the end? Not sure, but the section with the flashing contrast etc, didn't like that, I think it would have been possible to give it a memory feel without the annoying flashing, maybe desaturating it?

Whatever, it's an excellent film, of course it is, and these points are at a deep level. Well done!

Edit: One final thing, every now and then there's a faint 'pop' from the mic. A pop filter would be good, or just place the mic it off axis to stay out of the airstream.